omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
