go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
