Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
