I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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