If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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