Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
