you traded sex for a burrito?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
