Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
