I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
