alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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