I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
