I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
