dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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