I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
