We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
