it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
