There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
