she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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