I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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