I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
