I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
