I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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