I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
