I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
