It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
