I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
