Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
