You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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