put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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