i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
