im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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