I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
