3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
