Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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