What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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