is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
