just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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