you would pick up someone in the library
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
