You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
