my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
