i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
