a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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