Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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