Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
