im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
