my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
