She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
