I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
