I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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