Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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