On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
