After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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