last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
