census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
