i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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