i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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