i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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