just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
