I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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